Thoughts from a bygone era (or is it?!)

25 years ago I was starting to make some headway in my sector, one where women were few and far between. I received a call from a headhunter asking me to attend an interview with one of the major banks.

They made it very clear that they had been asked to ‘get me’ and they were prepared to offer me a package way beyond what I thought would be possible at that point in my career. I met with the director who had targeted me and right at the start of the interview I asked why he had approached me specifically (I mean I knew I was good, but what they were offering me was ridiculous!)

He said, ‘I think it’s important in this day and age (1992) that we have a woman on the team…’

I actually couldn’t believe what I was hearing!

I asked, ‘So I’m the token woman then?’, and he replied, ‘Well, if you want to put it like that, but this is a great opportunity for you.’

So I said, ‘I’m sorry, maybe you’ll find your token woman but it’s not me. If this is how you approach women in the workplace, we’ll fall out very quickly, so this isn’t a relationship that’s going to work, can you please show me to the lift.’

There was a tense exchange after that—he wasn’t happy and even accused me of wasting his time—but I instinctively knew I was doing the right thing. The money was meaningless as I was brought up to believe that if you worked hard and stuck to your principles the money would come. 25 years later, I still bump into that man from time to time and he says ‘here comes the Scottish Terrier’ and we laugh about it now.

I was shocked only last week to hear that my daughter had found herself in a similar situation. I’m sure its rarer now but maybe the token woman is still a thing?

The confidence to speak up

The situation above only came about because I had the confidence not just to stick to my principles but to speak up. Not confrontationally, but politely holding my own. I realise that many people won’t have the confidence to do this, especially to a figure they consider to be one of authority. I’ve always refused to accept that I can’t have an opinion and express it to anyone (this is how I ended up calling Donald Trump a ‘wanker’ to his face… that’s another story).

I have a client who is an Oscar-winning film producer. When she was in her 30s, she walked into a meeting of 20 people in front of Harvey Weinstein. He came up close behind her, pushed his crotch firmly into her and gave her an unpleasant grab. She turned round, twisted his arm up his back and in front of everyone said, ‘do you want to try that again with a broken arm?’ Apparently, he was furious and afterwards told her he’d finish her career. She told me, ‘I didn’t care who he was, how dare he, I’d rather never work again.’ She subsequently became hugely successful and we’ve had many discussions about the #metoo situation. She’s very like me (Scottish, so maybe it’s something in our DNA) and we’ve both agreed that not everyone has the confidence to speak up. It’s not just about the fear of something affecting your career, it’s just that not everyone is able to speak up with confidence. It’s been important to me as a mother to instill this confidence in my daughter. Never make anyone working under you feel like they can’t have an opinion and be free to express it, but also always have the confidence to express your own.

Is this your husband’s car?

Last year, I drove into a petrol station and when I went to pay the person behind the till said ‘Nice car, is it your husband’s?’ The most shocking part of this story is the guy was in his early 20s… I blame the parents!